Well, well, well!: October 2014

1. Your partner controls most everything in your life.

You have no say in what you wear, what you eat, how you spend your time, how you will keep house, who you will have as friends, etc.

2. Your partner accuses you of cheating with another person

Even if you have never given him/her any reason to distrust you, your partner will concoct stories to put you on the defensive of an argument you can't win.

3. Your partner doesn't want you to spend time with anyone else without him with you (including your family and friends)

Your partner wants to keep you close so your interactions with others are scrutinized and monitored, should you want to disclose your unhappiness with the relationship or desire to leave.

4. Your partner expects you to account for every minute of your day (who you were with, where you were, what did you talk about, etc.)

For every moment you're not able to attach an event or activity, you are accused of cheating or planning to leave. (See #2 and #3)

5. Your partner expects you to account for every penny you spend.

You are not allowed to have money of your own, even if you earned the money yourself. Your partner might accuse you of saving money to buy something behind his/her back, or to have the means to get out

6. Your partner demands sex even when you don't want to.

This is rape. Period. You might fear retaliation should you refuse his/her advances.

7. Your partner calls you derogatory names, puts you down and disrespects you not only in private, but humiliates you in front of other people

This is a mind-game to establish authority, and to keep you from believing that another person could (and would) actually want you and treat you better. Your partner secretly fears that you will leave, and will do whatever it takes to make you feel badly about yourself, and to kill whatever desire you might have to leave him/her.

8. Your partner is unkind, harmful and/or violent toward family pets and other animals

This kind of behavior raises HUGE red flags. More than two decades of psychological and sociological research reveals that barbarous acts toward animals often lead to brutality toward humans. The American Psychiatric Association considers animal cruelty as one of the diagnostic criteria of conduct disorder. The fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) defines conduct disorder as "a repetitive and persistent pattern of behavior in which the basic rights of others or major age appropriate societal norms or rules are violated." Conduct disorder is found in those who abuse animals and abuse people.

9. Your partner makes you feel afraid every day.

As long as you're afraid, your partner has completely taken over your personal power, which makes it difficult to leave.

10. Your partner makes going to college, work or volunteer events difficult.

He/she takes away the car keys, doesn't come home to watch the kids, refuses to let you leave the house, shows up unannounced and embarrasses you in front of classmates, co-workers, etc.

Well, well, well!