How to Change Your World (According to Gandhi)

 1. Change yourself.

When you change how you think, then you will change how you feel and will in turn affect the actions you take. So the world around you will change as well, not only because you are now viewing your environment through new lenses of thoughts and emotions, but because the change within can allow you to take action in ways you wouldn’t have – or maybe even have thought about – while stuck in your old thought patterns. 

2. You are in control.

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You can choose your own thoughts, reactions and emotions to pretty much everything. You don’t have to freak out, overreact or even react in a negative way.  As you come to realize that no one outside of yourself actually controls how you feel, you can begin to incorporate this thinking into your daily life and develop it as a thought habit. This new habit can grow stronger and stronger over time.  A huge benefit is this will make your life a whole lot easier and much more pleasurable.

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3. Forgive and let it go. 
Forgiveness does not equal condoning.  Forgiveness benefits you, and not the person whom you are forgiving.  Forgiveness allows you to release old hurts and disappointments so that you can move forward with a new, more positive way of viewing your life.  When you forgive, you have taken control over your feelings and choose to release yourself from the bonds of what has been holding you back.

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4. Take action to live the life you want.

Resistance to taking action comes from you imagining negative future consequences, or reflecting on past failures. To truly accept your worth and purpose in your life, Gandhi stated that you must practice this belief in your thoughts, feelings and actions daily. When you are grateful for the life you live, you must practice that gratitude faithfully.  You must practice the skill of being the best version of you. The result for "walking the walk" is a fuller understanding of your place in the world and what you can do to make a positive impact.

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5. Take care of this moment.

The only thing we can be absolutely certain of is what's happening in this moment.  And this moment.  And this one.  Gandhi encourages staying in the present as much as possible and to be accepting. The past is gone, and the future is an uncontrollable entity.  What you're doing right now is all that matters. Enjoy where you are.  Appreciate and accept what is.

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6. Everyone is human.

When we idolize others, such as celebrities, political leaders and sports figures, we run the risk of becoming setting them apart from our experiences and abilities. You think you could never achieve that status because they're special and different from you. The truth is, everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time.  We are all human, fallible and capable of making mistakes.  Speaking of mistakes, we must stop beating ourselves up over mistakes we've made and instead see with clarity where we went wrong, what we can learn from those mistakes, and try, try again. And again.

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7. Persist.

One of the reasons people don’t get what they want is simply because they give up too soon. The time they think an achievement will require isn’t realistic or they just don't understand what it takes to see something through. 

Never give up.  Find what you really like to do, and you’ll find the inner motivation to keep going, going and going. Gandhi was so successful with his method of non-violence was because he and his followers were so persistent. They just didn’t give up.

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8. See the good in people and help them.

We can choose to focus on what's good in people, while maintaining awareness of their ability to make poor choices. When you see the good in people it becomes easier to be motivated to be of service to them. By being of service and recognizing their value, the rewards are multiple:  a) you feel good knowing you've eased another person's burden; b) the person you helped feels more connected to the community; and c) the people you help may feel more inclined to pay it forward. And so you, together, create an upward spiral of positive change that grows and becomes stronger.

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9. Be congruent, be authentic, be your true self.

When your thoughts, words and actions are aligned, you feel powerful and good about yourself.  When words and thoughts match, that shows through in your communication.  With these channels in alignment people tend to really listen to what you’re saying. You are communicating with sincerity, self-respect and a desire to truly connect with others.

10. Continue to grow and evolve.

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Humans are works in progress.  The world provides us with experiences that challenge our beliefs and values. Ask yourself whether what you believed as a child is still your stance today.  Is your best friend the same one you had when you were in middle school?  People change, and so do their preferences and beliefs.  This is GOOD.  We're supposed to evolve and become the best version of ourselves.  If you need convincing, see Rule #1 above.

  

Source:  The Positivity Blog

Images courtesy of Google Images, unless otherwise noted.
(c) Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Rethinking Failure

Fact:  If, when we were toddlers, we believed that falling down once meant that we'd never learn to walk, we'd all be crawling on our hands and knees today.
 
If falling off of a bike repeatedly meant you'd never learn how not to fall, Schwinn would have gone out of business a long time ago and there'd be no such thing as the Tour de Cure.

[I will assume that your toddler mindset didn't let many tumbles, wobbles and falling on your butt keep you from walking upright, and getting your knees skinned and dumping your bike more than once didn't end your quest to be a skilled rider.]

Know why you can walk, ride a bike, write, read, ski, and so on?  Because your younger self didn't know what failure was.  It wasn't an option so there was nothing keeping you from mastering those skills.  You picked yourself up, dusted yourself off, and started all over again.  And again.  And again.  You figured out how to balance yourself just right so that you fell less and less often.  You eventually got really good at it.  You took repeated failures and used them as learning opportunities.

That's called resilience.

At the risk of sounding like an old fuddy-duddy, I think that our ever-growing reliance on technology has been the death-knell of resilience.  I'm noticing that people who seem to always have a phone or tablet bonded to their hands, or folks who spend uncountable hours in front of a computer screen, are less skilled at dealing with obstacles that life throws their way.
  
The 24/7/365 availability of information and communication opportunities have replaced the practice-til-you-get-it method of building and honing academic, social and interpersonal skills.  It has also taken failure out of the realm of possibilities, and turned it from a singular event into how to describe oneself.

The fallout is a population that doesn't know what to do when things go wrong: 
When they don't do something right the first time (or the second time.  Or the third).  
When losing a competition and not receiving a consolation prize.
When learning something new and it doesn't go perfectly right away.
How to lose gracefully and with sportsmanship.
How to take failure as an opportunity to grow and learn and get and be better.

We don't need consoling when we fail. Or a trophy for participation.  We need to build grit.  Rethink what we can learn from the experience. Show our tenacity.  Try, try again.   


All images courtesy of Google Images, unless otherwise noted.
(c) Robyn King.  All Rights Reserved.

Every Month is Sexual Violence Awareness Month: After-Effects for Survivors

Experiencing a sexual assault can affect survivors in many different ways. You may find yourself feeling or behaving very differently than usual. Remember that there is no right or wrong way to react, and there is no universal way to respond to trauma such as sexual violence. Only you know how you feel and you have a right to express those feelings in whatever way you need to.  

Many survivors experience:

• nightmares
• fear
• flashbacks
• difficulty concentrating
• anger
• anxiety
• guilt
• self-blame
• confusion
• shock or numbness
• difficulty sleeping
• avoidance of sex or promiscuity
• loss of control
• vulnerability and mistrust

If you have experienced some or all of these feelings following a sexual assault, remember that you are having a normal reaction to a very abnormal and traumatic experience. On the other hand, these reactions may not fit your experience at all, and that's okay too.  It's greatly recommended that you meet with a counselor or therapist to work through the emotional and psychological after-effects of a sexual assault, so that you may begin to feel safe again.

Graphic Image

Below are more of the after-effects that some survivors experience; click on the link for more information.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Survivors of sexual assault may experience severe feelings of anxiety, stress or fear, known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), as a direct result of the assault.

Substance Abuse

Victims of rape or sexual assault may turn to alcohol or other substances in an attempt to relieve their emotional suffering.

Self-Harm / Self-Injury

Deliberate self-harm, or self-injury, is when a person inflicts physical harm on himself or herself.

Stockholm Syndrome

Described as a victim’s emotional “bonding” with their abuser, Stockholm Syndrome develops subconsciously and on an involuntary basis.

Depression

There are many emotional and psychological reactions that victims of rape and sexual assault can experience. One of the most common of these is depression.

Sexually Transmitted Infections

Table of Sexually Transmitted Infections, their symptoms, treatment, and possible complications.

Pregnancy

If you were recently raped, you may have concerns about becoming pregnant from the attack. If the rape happened a long time ago, you may have concerns about a pregnancy that resulted from the attack.

Eating Disorders

Victims and survivors with eating disorders often use food and the control of food as an attempt to deal with or compensate for negative feelings and emotions and to regain control over one's life.

Body Memories

Body memories are when the stress of the memories of the abuse experienced by an individual take the form of physical problems that cannot be explained by the usual means.

Suicide

If you are currently thinking about suicide, or know someone who is, please reach out for help.

Military Sexual Trauma

Military sexual trauma (MST) is a technical term that refers to the psychological trauma experienced by military service members, as a result of sexual assault or sexual harassment, as classified by the Department of Veterans Affairs.

Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse

Survivors of childhood sexual abuse experience an array of overwhelming and intense feelings. These may include feelings of fear, guilt, and shame.

Photo Credit

(c) Copyright 2014 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Sources:
RAINN.org
Moving to End Sexual Assault
(c) Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Every Month is Sexual Violence Awareness Month: Getting Medical Attention

Immediately after a sexual assault has been committed, the most important thing is for the victim to get to a safe place. Whether it be the victim’s home, a friend’s home or with a family member, immediate safety is what matters most.

When a feeling of safety has been achieved, it's vital for the victim to receive medical attention, regardless of his/her decision to report the crime to the police. For the victim’s health and self-protection, it's important to be checked and treated for possible injuries, even if none are visible.

This includes testing for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs), as well as receiving preventative treatments that may be available, depending upon the local response and resources. For instance, medications to prevent STIs and pregnancy and protect against HIV transmission may be offered.

In addition to receiving medical attention, victims are encouraged to receive a forensic examination. This exam is important because preserving DNA evidence can be key to identifying the perpetrator in a sexual assault case, especially those in which the offender is a stranger. DNA evidence is an integral part of a law enforcement investigation that can build a strong case to show that a sexual assault occurred and to show that the defendant is the source of biological material left on the victim’s body. Victims have the right to accept or decline any or all parts of the exam; however, it's important to remember that critical evidence may be missed if not collected or analyzed.

Victims should make every effort to save anything that might contain the perpetrator’s DNA; therefore a victim should not:

• Bathe or shower
• Use the restroom
• Change clothes
• Comb hair
• Clean up the crime scene
• Move anything the offender may have touched

Even if the victim has not yet decided to report the crime, receiving a forensic medical exam and keeping the evidence safe from damage will improve the chances that the police can access and test the stored evidence at a later date.

Learn more about the importance of preserving and collecting forensic evidence and the importance of DNA in a sexual assault case.

In Schenectady, victims should call the 24-Hour Rape Crisis Hotline at 518-346-2266, where a highly trained and compassionate advocate will explain the process and could accompany the victim through the evidence collection process.  [Outside of Schenectady, NY, to find a local hospital or healthcare facility that is equipped to collect forensic evidence, contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800.656.HOPE)]. 


The following is a very brief description of what to expect during a forensic medical exam or "rape kit". Remember to ask questions as you go along if you don't understand something and remember you can refuse any part of the exam if you choose.

• You should try not to use the bathroom, eat, or drink before the exam because this may interfere with some aspects of evidence collection.
• You must give written consent to have the exam performed.
• You'll be asked to give a general medical history (i.e. current medications, past illnesses etc...)
• You'll be asked to give a "sexual assault/abuse history" which is a detailed description of the assault.
• If you're wearing clothing you wore during the assault you may be asked to give it to the nurse as evidence.
• The nurse will take various "samples" from you (such as fingernail scrapings, hair standards, oral swabs etc...) this is for evidence collection and to establish a difference between your DNA and any other that is found.
• If you think you were given a "drug" used to facilitate a rape or sexual assault the nurse will collect a urine sample. Depending on the time lapsed since the assault, the nurse may also advise the collection of blood.
• The nurse will offer you emergency contraception and medications that may help to prevent contraction of sexually transmitted diseases.
• The final stage of the exam is a vaginal/penile exam in which the nurse will check for injuries and evidence.

(c) Copyright 2014 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

For more information on what to do if you or someone else is sexually assaulted in New York State, click HERE.

Sources:  RAINN.org,  Moving to End Sexual Assault,
New York State Dept. of Health Sexual Violence Services
(c) Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Every Month is Sexual Violence Awareness Month: What to Do If You're Sexually Assaulted

Get to a safe place.

If you cannot get somewhere safe, call 911 immediately.

Don't shower, eat, drink, go to the bathroom, brush your teeth, or change your clothes before going to the hospital.

These activities may eliminate valuable evidence that could assist in prosecution if you choose to file a police report. However, if you have already done these things, please don't let this stop you from seeking medical care. If you have already changed your clothes, place the clothes in a clean paper bag and bring them with you.

Seek immediate medical attention.

Go to the nearest hospital emergency room.

Decide whether you want to make a police report.

Choosing to report the assault to the police is an individual decision, so don't let anyone pressure you either way or another. You do not need to report to police in order to receive medical care.

Get information whenever you have questions or concerns.

After a sexual assault, you have a lot of choices and decisions to make; e.g., medical care and follow-up needs, participating in law enforcement investigation, telling other people, and returning to work. Ask questions if you are confused or not sure about your options.

Seek support for yourself.

You have been through a traumatic experience and may need help dealing with the impact of the assault. Even if it happened a long time ago, it is never too late to talk to someone about it. You do not have to go through this alone. 

In Schenectady, call the 24-Hour Rape Crisis Hotline 518.346.2266
or
National Sexual Assault Hotline
1.800.656.HOPE(4673)

Free. Confidential. 24/7.

(c) Copyright 2014 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Source:  Moving to End Sexual Assault
(c) Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Every Month is Sexual Violence Awareness Month: Reducing the Risk

Risk Factors

Drugs and Alcohol: Drugs and alcohol are the number one factor that leads to non-stranger (date/acquaintance) rape. Many victims say that their ability to react was impaired because they were drinking or taking drugs, or that their date had been drinking and became sexually aggressive.

Lawrence Greenfield did a study that found that drinking offenders committed over a third of the rapes or sexual assaults of persons older than 12.
 
Different Expectations: Acquaintance rape often occurs as a result of misunderstood sex role behaviors and/or communication styles. Don't assume that one form of sexual contact opens the door to other sexual contacts. Also, communicate your sexual expectations with your partner. If you think you are getting mixed messages, ask.

Believing No Means Yes: People who regard sex as "scoring" often believe "no" can be changed to "yes" with a little more pressure or force.

Acquaintance rape often masquerades as seduction, with the perpetrators rarely feeling they have done anything wrong. They believe that pressure is a legitimate way to get what they want.

Risk Reduction

Although sexual violence can never be prevented, here are some suggestions to help you reduce your risk of being assaulted.

• Trust your gut. If you don't feel comfortable in a situation, leave.
• Be in charge of your own life. Don't put yourself in a situation where you have to rely on other people to take care of you. Also, when on a date, don't feel you "owe" that person anything.
• Be cautious inviting someone into your home or going to someone else's home. Three out of 5 sexual assaults occur in the victim's home or the home of an acquaintance.
• Do not mix sexual decisions with drugs and alcohol. Your ability to make smart decisions is hampered when you are drunk or high.
• When going out with someone new, don't feel you have to go alone. Go on a group date or meet in a public place.
• Be aware of date rape drugs. Don't accept beverages from open containers and don't leave your drink unattended.
• Avoid falling for lines such as "If you loved me." If your partner loved you, he/she would respect your feelings and wait until you are ready.
• Avoid individuals who:
  • don't listen to you
  • ignore personal space boundaries
  • make you feel guilty or accuse you of being "uptight" for resisting sexual advances
  • express sexists attitudes and jokes
  • act jealous or possessive
• Communicate. Think about what you really want before you get into a sexual situation, and communicate clearly with your partner. If you think you are getting mixed messages, ask your date what he/she wants.
• Be assertive. Respect yourself enough not to do anything you don't want to do. Your opinions matter, and when you say "no," your date should stop.

When "No" Doesn't Work

Sometimes, saying "no" will not stop a sexual assault. Listed below are several ways you can react in a sexually violent situation. Thinking about what you would do before an assault ever happens can be your best self-defense strategy.

• Act immediately: Trust your intuition and get away if possible. Don't give in to a person's sexual demands in the hope that you can divert him/her later on.
• Stay calm. Try to think clearly about all your options. Your brain is your best weapon.
• Passive resistance. You may be able to discourage the attacker by talking. Persuade him/her not to commit the assault by making him/her see you as a friend.
• Active resistance. If you are not afraid to hurt someone, hit and kick hard-this gives you the opportunity to escape. However, fighting back may anger the attacker and cause him/her to attack more brutally. Self-defense training can make you more confident and improve your physical strength. Training is effective, but it takes continuous practice. It is not a substitute for common sense and awareness.
• Submitting. Do whatever you have to do to keep yourself safe. If you feel your life is in danger, your best option may be to submit. Submitting does not mean you consented. The assault is not your fault

(c) Copyright 2014 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

For more sexual violence prevention program resources in New York State, click HERE.
 

Sources: New York State Dept. of Health Sexual Violence Services,  Moving to End Sexual Assault
 
(c) Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Tip of the Week: Arrive to class early

Arrive at least 5 minutes before your classes begin.

Professors expect their students to be ready to go when the lecture begins.  It means having everything you need to take notes and participate in class with you and on your desk.

A good reputation will take you far.  There's plenty of time between classes and after College Hour to get your butt into your seat before the professor begins talking.  You'll feel more relaxed, your mind will be open to learn, and you'll look good to the teacher. (Brownie points are a good thing.)

Images courtesy of Google Images unless otherwise noted.
(c) Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Every Month is Sexual Violence Awareness Month: What is Consent?

Consent is a choice in which an individual agrees by free will to engage in sexual acts. 

Because a person is in a current relationship or had previously been in a relationship does not mean that person automatically consents to sexual activity. 

Consent and submission are not the same. Because someone may submit to a sex act does NOT mean that consent was given. 

If someone was sexually assaulted and did not fight during the assault, that does not mean the person gave consent.

Consent cannot be given if:

• An individual is asleep
• An individual is intoxicated or drugged (on legal or illegal substances)
• An individual is unconscious
• An individual is not of the age of consent
• An individual is unable to communicate
• A person is threatened either verbally, in writing, or physically
• A person is physically forced to engage in an act
• A person is intimidated in to engaging in an act
• A person is cognitively impaired

(c) Copyright 2014 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Source:  Moving to End Sexual Assault
(c) Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Chuck your worries

I was at a wedding this weekend, and attempted to make small talk with a very nervous groom-to-be.  I asked him what the cause of his jitters was, and he replied, "I hope the weather stays nice, and that it doesn't rain."

Five minutes from being married, he was worried about the weather.

I asked, "How many times in your life did worrying about the weather affect it?"  "None," he said, with a sheepish look on his face.  "Exactly," I replied, and wished him lots of fun on his wedding day and honeymoon. 

Worry is, in a word, stupid. 

Yes, I said stupid.  Pointless.  Useless.
   
When we worry, the stress hormone, cortisol, is released into the bloodstream (the same one that's helps us in a fight-or-flight situation).  All too often, I see the ravages of chronic worry where people make themselves physically and emotionally ill.  Sometimes, when I get myself in a worry spiral, I can't think of anything but the focus of my concern, I get a huge headache and my sleep gets jacked up.

[I admit it...I behave in stupid ways on occasion.]

We're not born "worriers."  Humans learn how to worry from watching other people.  We use worry as an attempt to keep away and prevent that which is undesirable, or to draw to and attract those things we want.  It comes from our uncanny need to control everything:  our relationships, our money, our career paths, where we live, how we live, and so on.  

With one exception.

We have no power over the outcome of the things with which we concern ourselves.

Say it with  me:  We have no power over the outcome of the things with which we concern ourselves.

Worry does nothing but sap you of your precious energy, consumes your mind so it's prevented from focusing on what you can control, and it never, ever affects the outcome.  (I say this to you to remind myself, too.)

Admittedly, worry is a tough habit to break.  I recommend focusing on the things we have power over, such as the food we eat, whether we exercise, or how much money to spend on a new pair of shoes.

Damn worry.  Free your mind.  Say "The Serenity Prayer."  Learn how to take on a "it is what it is" mindset.  Or, as they say in the U.K., "chuck it."   



All images courtesy of Google Images, unless otherwise noted.
(c) Robyn King.  All Rights Reserved.

Every Month is Sexual Violence Awareness Month: Types of Sexual Violence

Types of Sexual Violence

Rape: forced sexual intercourse, including vaginal, anal, or oral penetration. Penetration may be by a body part or an object. Rape victims may be forced through threats or physical means. In about 8 out of 10 rapes, no weapon is used other than physical force. Anyone may be a victim of rape: women, men or children, straight or gay.

Acquaintance Rape: Acquaintance assault involves coercive sexual activities that occur against a person's will by means of force, violence, duress, or fear of bodily injury. These sexual activities are imposed upon them by someone they know (a friend, date, acquaintance, etc.).

Child Sexual Abuse: sexual contact by force, trickery, or bribery where there is an imbalance in age, size, power, or knowledge.

Dating and domestic violence: any act, attempt, or threat of force by a family member or intimate partner against another family member. Dating and domestic violence occurs in all socioeconomic, educational, racial, and age groups. The issues of power and control are at the heart of family violence. The batterer uses acts of violence and a series of behaviors to gain power and control.

Drug facilitated assault: when drugs or alcohol are used to compromise an individual's ability to consent to sexual activity. In addition, drugs and alcohol are often used in order to minimize the resistance and memory of the victim of a sexual assault. Alcohol remains the most commonly used chemical in crimes of sexual assault, but there are also substances being used by perpetrators including: Rohypnol, GHB, GBL, etc.

Incest: sexual contact between persons who are so closely related that their marriage is illegal (e.g., parents and children, uncles/aunts and nieces/nephews, etc.). This usually takes the form of an older family member sexually abusing a child or adolescent. Incest is considered by many experts to be a particularly damaging form of sexual abuse because it is perpetrated by individuals upon whom the victim trusts and depends. In addition, support can also be lacking and pressure to keep silent powerful as fear of the family breaking up can be overwhelming to other family members.

Male Sexual Assault
Men can be raped.  Male victims of sexual assault are an often forgotten population--unseen, neglected, and under-served.

Partner Rape is defined as sexual acts committed without a person's consent and/or against a person's will when the perpetrator is the individual's current partner (married or not), previous partner, or roommate/housemate.

• Battering rape- the experience of both physical and sexual violence within a relationship. Some may experience physical abuse during the sexual assault. Others may experience sexual assault after a physical assault as an attempt to "make up."
• Force-only rape- motivated by a perpetrator's need to demonstrate power and maintain control. Therefore, he/she asserts his/her feelings of entitlement over his/her partner in the form of forced sexual contact.
• Obsessive/Sadistic rape- involves torture and perverse sexual acts. Such rape is characteristically violent and often leads to physical injury.

Sexual exploitation by a helping professional: sexual contact of any kind between a helping professional (doctor, therapist, teacher, priest, professor, police officer, lawyer, etc.) and a client/patient.

Hate Crime: the victimization of an individual based on that individual's race, religion, national origin, ethnic identification, gender, or sexual orientation. While any targeted group can experience rape and sexual assault as a form of hate crime, there are two groups that are often noted for being victims of this particular form of hate crime.

• Women: Many believe that all violence against women, including rape and sexual assault, is a hate crime because it is not simply a violent act, but is "an act of misogyny, or hatred of women" (Copeland & Wolfe, 1991).
• People in the LGBT Community: Members of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered (LGBT) community are often targets of hate crimes, many of which include rape or sexual assault

Sexual harassment: unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature in which submission to or rejection of such conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual's work or school performance or creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive work or school environment.

• Quid pro quo- When a perpetrator makes conditions of employment contingent on the victim providing sexual favors. This type of harassment is less common.
• Hostile environment- When unwelcome, severe and persistent sexual conduct on the part of a perpetrator creates an uncomfortable and hostile environment (e.g., jokes, lewd postures, leering, inappropriate touching, rape, etc.). This type of harassment constitutes up to 95% of all sexual harassment cases.

Stalking occurs when an individual follows a pattern of behavior that leaves someone else feeling afraid, nervous, harassed, or in danger.

Stranger Rape: 3 Major Categories

1. Blitz sexual assault- The perpetrator rapidly and brutally assaults the victim with no prior contact. Blitz assaults usually occur at night in a public place.
2. Contact sexual assault- The suspect contacts the victim and tries to gain her or his trust and confidence before assaulting her or him. Contact perpetrators pick their victims in bars, lure them into their cars, or otherwise try to coerce the victim into a situation of sexual assault.
3. Home invasion sexual assault- When a stranger breaks into the victim's home to commit the assault.

(c) Copyright 2014 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Source:  Moving to End Sexual Assault
(c) Copyright 2014 Robyn M. King. All Rights Reserved.

Every Month is Sexual Violence Awareness Month: Definitions

April is typically the month designated to heighten awareness to and prevention and treatment of sexual assault and sexual violence crimes, but awareness of this horrendous behavior needs to be on-going.  

To start, the following are definitions of the terms typically used when discussing sexual violence:

Assailant/Perpetrator/Offender/Abuser is someone who attacks another. This is someone who does something, as in a perpetrator of violence or abuse. These terms can be used more or less interchangeably.

Battering is a sociological term coined by the battered women's movement to describe a pattern of physical violence, intimidation, coercion, manipulation and other forms of abuse committed by a person (the batterer) to establish or maintain control of his or her partner.

Child Abuse/Incest/Molestation is the physical, sexual, and/or emotional harming or neglect of a child. Molestation is the sexual abuse of a child; incest is sexual abuse which is perpetrated by a blood relative or other family member, such as a step-parent.

Consent is a continual process by which partners each explicitly and mutually agree and give permission to sexual contact without force, coercion or threat of coercion.

Dating Violence is the verbal, physical, and/or sexual abuse of one partner by the other, in an intimate relationship. Relationship violence implies that the "couple" is not married, does not have a child in common and is not living together. This type of abuse may involve pushing, shoving, hitting, choking, intimidation, threats, humiliation, insults, pressure, destruction of property, isolation, sexual relations without consent, unwanted sexual touching, or pressure to engage in humiliating or degrading sexual activity.

Domestic Violence refers to any criminal offense involving the use or threatened use of physical force, in which the offender and the victim have a familial or household relationship. Domestic violence is a pattern of physically, sexually, and/or emotionally abusive behaviors used by one individual to assert power or maintain control over another in the context of an intimate or family relationship or have a child in common.

Forced Object Penetration is penetration of a sexual orifice (anus or vagina) by a finger (digitally) and/or a non-animate object.

Forced Sodomy is anal or oral intercourse without consent.

Gang Rape is when two or more offenders act together to rape the same victim. The offenders include those who actually obtain sexual relations with the victim as well as those who threaten or use force to make the victim submit but do not themselves have sexual relations.

Indecent Exposure (sometimes referred to as "flashing") refers to an individual exposing sexual body parts to another when it is unwanted and unasked for.

Rape: laws and legal definitions of rape vary from state to state, but rape is generally defined as forced or non-consensual sexual intercourse. Rape may be accompanied by fear, threats of harm, and/or actual physical force. Rape may also include situations in which penetration is accomplished when the victim is unable to give consent, or is prevented from resisting, due to being intoxicated, drugged, unconscious, or asleep.

Voyeurism (sometimes referred to as "Peeping Tom Syndrome") refers to a disorder that involves achieving sexual arousal by observing an unsuspecting and non-consenting person who is undressing or unclothed, and/or engaged in sexual activity.

 
 

 

(c) Copyright 2014 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Source:  Moving to End Sexual Assault
(c) Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

April is Sexual Violence Awareness Month: Myth vs. Fact

 
A whole manual could be written about rape myths and their functions in our society. These myths affect both perpetrators and victims, since we all believe them to one extent or another.

To end the violence of sexual assault, we must all understand what we believe to be true about rape. Below are some of the more popular myths we hold, not only as individuals, but also as a society.

 

Graphic Source

Myth: Most sexual assault victims were “asking for it,” (i.e., the assault was provoked by the victim in some way).
Fact: To say that someone wants to be raped is the same as saying that people ask to be mugged or robbed. In fact, 60-70% of rapes are at least partially planned in advance, and the victim is often threatened with death or bodily harm if she resists. The responsibility for raping always lies with the perpetrator, not the victim.

Myth: Most women are raped by strangers.
Fact: According to Rape in America: A Report to the Nation, only 22% of rape victims were assaulted by someone they had never seen before or did not know well. The breakdown of non-stranger offenders in this study was: 9% by husbands or ex-husbands, 10% by boyfriends or ex-boyfriends, 11% by their fathers or stepfathers, 16% by other relatives, and 29% by other non-relatives, such as friends or neighbors. In addition, rapists include doctors, lawyers, therapists, clergy, police officers, and other authority figures. Because of their social and financial positions, these men are seldom prosecuted for their acts of violence, and their actions are seldom publicized.

Myth: Most victims sustain serious physical injuries.
Fact: Over two-thirds (70%) of rape victims reported no physical injuries, and only 4% sustained serious physical injuries, with 24% receiving minor physical injuries. However, it is important to note that many victims who did not sustain physical injuries nonetheless feared being seriously injured or killed during the rape. Almost half of all rape victims (49%) described being fearful of serious injury or death during the rape. (It is important to note here that just because a victim may not look injured physically, she is still the victim of a violent crime.)

Myth: A corollary to the above myth is that women who submit during sexual assault have not been forcibly raped.
Fact: Again, victims often submit without struggle due to fear of physical threat, or if the assailant is armed with a deadly weapon. Many times, the victim is incapable of either consenting or resisting, such as when she is unconscious, sleeping, drugged or drunk, a child, or has a physical or cognitive disability.

Myth: Rapists are sexually frustrated men, carried away with desire and passion.
Fact: Many rapes are not impulsive acts, but are planned events. In a 1971 study, Menachem Amir found that 71% of rapes are premeditated. Amir also found that 60% of offenders were married and having consensual sexual relations while assaulting other women. The myth that the rapist is carried away by uncontrollable sexual desire, and that his behavior is a natural masculine trait, serves only to excuse men who rape and place blame on the victim.

Myth: Most sexual assaults involve a black man raping a white woman.
Fact: Amir's study cited above found that in 93% of assaults, the rapist and victim were of the same race. In 3.3% of the cases, black men did rape white women, while in 3.4% white men raped black women. It is more comfortable for most white women and men to believe a potential attacker is a man of color. It is more difficult to face the reality - most attackers are of the same race and many are professionals whom the community trusts.

(c) Copyright 2014 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Source:  Moving to End Sexual Assault
(c) Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.