Apples to Apples: 5 Tips to Prevent Comparing Yourself to Others

-Theodore Roosevelt

Members of the animal kingdom continually assess their status and how they compare to others.  

The motivation is purely one of survival.  

When a male orangutan sees another nearby, he sizes up the competition, and prepares to fight for the right to gain power and status.  If he's successful, he will mate with the most appealing female, and continue the species.  If not, he concedes defeat and retreats with a lower status in the group.

This same orangutan, however--with the keen ability to determine whether another animal is a danger--will fight to the death to protect the pack and the young'uns.  

Evaluating power, control and danger are of utmost importance to the survival of any species.

energystar.gov

Humans do this kind of sizing up, too.  Most of the time, thank goodness, these assessment skills aren't used to sense threats to one's life, property or family.  The sad truth is that humans expend a lot of energy trying to keep up with the Joneses.  In other words, comparing apples to oranges.

Comparing yourself to other people--what they have, how and where they live, who they are--is a sure-fire way to make you feel either less-than or better-than others...neither of which is a good mindset to live by.

Below are five tips to encourage you to compare only apples to apples.

1. Be kind.

The way you behave and think towards others seems to have a substantial effect on
how you behave towards and think about yourself.  

Judge people harshly and you tend to judge yourself the same way. 

Be kind to and help other people, and you're more likely to be kinder and helpful to yourself.

The more you love other people, the more you will love yourself.  Why, you ask?

Because you are OK...and so are they.

2. Don't fall into the trap of hero worship.

When you idolize people, you run the risk of feeling disconnected from them as though they have superpowers or have a charmed life that you'll never have.  You may begin to believe that someone like you could never achieve similar successes because they are so very different from you. 

The truth is they are no different.  Not better off, not worse off.  They have problems with money, relationships, jobs, family members just like you do.  They make mistakes, yell at their kids, tell lies, have arguments with their spouses and fart in bed.  

Putting someone on a pedestal or making a villain out of them creates unnecessary barriers to your dreams, goals and future...and is grossly unfair to you overall.  Openness to your own abilities and new opportunities is abundantly more helpful.

3. Realize that others will have more or are better than you at something.

Wrapping your mind around this fact of life is crucial. Life is not about competing for the most toys, the biggest bank balance or the swankiest house.  Carve your own way, in your own time, with your own unique talents.  If you can be proud of and appreciate THAT, your life will always be freakin' awesome.

4. Apples to oranges.

Whether you compare to make yourself feel better, or to create disappointment and misery within yourself, you're creating an inaccurate assessment of your abilities.  Better that you step out of that whole comparing habit because the two sides are often connected...and neither is particularly healthy or helpful.  The only person who is negatively impacted by this unfair behavior is you.

5. Apples to apples.

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Create the habit of comparing yourself to yourself.  What improvements can you make compared to how you've done in the past?  Focus on how much you have grown, what you have achieved and what progress you've made towards your goals.

This healthier habit has the added benefit of creating gratitude, appreciation and kindness towards yourself as you observe how far you have come, the obstacles you tackled and the good stuff you've done.  And that feels a helluva lot better.

Trust me on this one.

 

(c) Copyright 2014 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Source:  http://www.positivityblog.com 
(c) Copyright 2014 Robyn M. King. All Rights Reserved.